The love I had been looking for
”The A school week changed my life and the life of my family. I received God as my Father and felt that this was the love that I had been longing for and looking for. The Father began to bring to life the part of me that had been hidden under the heavy burdens of my heart.”
When I went to my first Fatherheart A School in July 2015, I didn’t exactly know where I was going. However, I felt in my spirit that this was the place I needed to go now. Earlier, before this week, the Father had shown me a picture of my heart, surrounded by a thick and hard black shell. From that I realized I wasn’t well and it was time for a change.
I can still remember how I felt the Father’s love so strong and caring in the very first session. It was as if a wound cleanser had been applied over my sore, heavy and closed heart. At the beginning of the week while being quiet in the Father’s presence, I remember telling him in a firm South Bothnian way that I have my boundaries here, there is no need to come inside them, and I have managed quite well on my own so far. Fortunately, the Father’s ears are more accurate and he heard the small quiet voice of my heart whispering that I couldn’t take it any longer.
This A school week changed my life and the life of my family. I received God as my Father and felt that this was the love that I had been longing for and looking for. The Father began to bring to life the part of me that had been hidden under the heavy burdens of my heart. This is where my journey deeper into the revelation of the Father’s love began. My heart became very thirsty for his love and for the life that flows from him. I began to long for the truth that my heart saw in this revelation. I desperately wanted to experience more of the peace that comes when the heart is resting in the Father.
The journey has been long and eventful. It has taken me to many Fatherheart events in Finland and abroad and twice even to the INS Bible school in New Zealand. However, the journey has not been easy. It has involved encountering much pain, crying many tears, giving up a lot and facing many things that I would never have dared to face on my own. In my first INS, the Father suggested going through the deepest pain of my heart. It raised such a great fear in me that I could barely breathe and I almost fainted. But the Father is so gentle and knows exactly how to deal with me. After about six weeks, I was ready to trust the Father enough to let him take care of this deep pain. I experienced his loving presence and saw tears in his eyes, when he said he hadn’t wanted this for me either. At that very moment, the pain disappeared, and I haven’t felt it since.
My trust in the Father has grown stronger and I know that with him I am completely safe. After going through my pain together with the Father, I have experienced deep peace and great freedom. I have a wonderful Father who has a gentle and loving mother’s heart towards me. With him I feel safe to be a little girl with all my emotions. When I get lost in my own ways, he is always there to meet me and I can come back home. If I am so lost that I don’t find back home, the Father will come looking for me. He confirmed this by showing me how he leaves everything and starts to run, clears his way through all the darkness and every obstacle just to find me.
Together with the Father I have also gone through the pains, wounds and fears that have prevented me to be a daughter to my own mother and father. I contracted leukemia at the age of three, and being in the hospital was such a shock to my little heart that I closed my heart to my mother and father. I lost confidence that they would take care of me at the heart level.
Since my first A school the Father has been taking me towards being able to forgive my parents from the heart. It has not been easy to let go of the pain I carried towards them in my heart for over 30 years. This pain distorted my whole being and became the foundation of a false identity. In my first INS, the Father healed this pain and at the same time crushed the foundation of my false identity. From that moment on, he began to rebuild my foundation on his love. My journey progressed to receiving my identity as a daughter and, finally, to the moment I was able to receive the gift of forgiveness from the Father and forgive my mother and my father from my heart. Now, for the first time, I feel in my heart being a daughter to my mother and my father and also to my real Father.